Pow! Whammo! Bosh! This weekend saw the annual superhero convention at Debden House in deepest, darkest Essex. For one night only they performed for a packed field of revellers. 'Thomas the Wank Engine' had a small following of children shadowing his every move as he produced a glorious cover of 'Roxanne' by the Police. 'Pratman' sat on a chair for most of the weekend, only moving to the bushes on crutches to recharge his superpowers (his 2009 epic battle with the evil trucker playing heavily on his mind) 'Batgirl' turned up in her Nissan Micra and was overheard to be 'loving it' as she joined the 24 hour party. The 'Goodtime Girls' shone in gold, silver and red, barely controlling their power of melting the boy's hearts. But, stealing the show was the 'PVC Traffic Warden', looking like he was smuggling two baby pigeons, he proceeded to drink his body weight in Carlsberg and retreat to his one man cave.
One half of the 'Goodtime Girls,' known as the 'JaffaCake Kid', this 27 year old supergirl can put up a 6 man tent in the blink of an eye and has been rumoured to clear up bombsites using one hand. Her true identity is unknown but her accent and manners have narrowed down the search to the wrong side of Hackney, East London.
The 'Budgie Smuggler' could only join the fun for a few hours because of a hectic week dealing with computer crashes and the construction of execution desks. He proceeded to blow away the competition in a spontaneous Frisbee championship in which 'Thomas the Wank Engine' was disqualified for a signal failure.
'BatGirl' is said to be able to survive in such extreme conditions that she can live on only diet coke and percy pigs. There were rumblings that on an around the world trip, her and the 'Budgie Smuggler' joined forces to rid the world of ugly children, but these reports are unclarified. She has also been on numerous adventures with the 'GoodTime Girls' and broken many hearts along the way. Hailing from the other side of London, 'BatGirl' is a mysterious entity, only being seen at certain weekends but always in demand.
After becoming a father for the first time, the superheroes were worried that the 'PVC Traffic Warden' may lose his extreme drinking powers. However, they couldn't have been more wrong. His revealing uniform may have scared off the children who were circling 'Thomas the Wank Engine,' but the love for his family was enough to make him a real crowd pleaser. Any man opts for an early night if they're meeting their mother in law in the morning, but not the 'PVC Traffic Warden.' He has been described as a 'lose cannon' in the past, but powered through the evening, stealing the show with his infectious personality.
The other half of the 'GoodTime Girls,' the 'Pint Sized Snapper'; who is famous for her photographic memory and ability to pap people in compromising situations, shone in silver. Again, her true identity is clouded, but it is believed that she is the 'JaffaCake Kid's' younger sister. Sparks were flying between her and 'Thomas the Wank Engine' all evening and the bookies have slashed the odds of a Snapper/Wank Engine super baby before the end of 2012.
So with super company, super food and super drink, this year was said to be the greatest convention to date. Roll on 2011.
Spare change guv'ner?